What Makes a “Good” Parent? Even Kelly Clarkson doesn't know.

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You are listening to The Balancing Act Podcast. Here's your hosts,

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Jamie Wonko and Joe Vitale.

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Hey, guess what? If you didn't know, we are recording, friend. How are you?

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Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to The Balancing Act Podcast.

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I am here with Mr. Joseph Vitale. Hello.

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Well, hey, girl. How are you? Hey, I'm JB Wanko. It is good to see you.

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I haven't seen you for about three and a half minutes, so long time. I mean, a long time.

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Yes, it's good to see you. We are, you know, rocking and rolling through after

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spring break sessions in the midst of, you know, in the throes of state testing

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and all the fun stuff that comes at the end of the school year. I mean, so much fun.

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So much fun. You know what's funny? The kids can't alphabetize.

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I don't know how funny it is, but they never, and I'm going to say in full support

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of the children, they were never taught to alphabetize.

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It's not a skill that was necessary or drilled the way we were drilled to alphabetize.

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So when you give them their rooms, like the room assignments,

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and it's based on their last name letters, you want to see how quickly you could

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bring down a nation, ask them to alphabetize.

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And I say this with all the love in my heart for my

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colleagues who are like under the age of 35 yes

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also never learned it

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just I had people come in today like oh what about what about what about and

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it was like I got this because in the 80s we were all about Huey Dewey and Louie

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and the decimal system right remember like the ongoing videos like we saw that

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same one with Huey Dewey and Louie and the Dewey Desmos is,

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but the, it was just, I was like, Oh, I got this.

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I got this because no, they don't got this.

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So we have to help. No, they don't. There's also, they don't.

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So state testing involves, you know, last names and where you're going. And it was like, what?

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It's like sometimes little things. It's like, um, in class, we do our movement

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Monday and I showed this video and it was fun.

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It was like a Disney, um, choose the best duo.

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And they're like three choices come up on the screen and, um.

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After you choose the best duo gives you like an exercise to do

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right and it's like uh arm circles or bunny

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hops or like uh body wiggle

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which makes everybody look like one of those like uh inflatable two

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balloon dance uh if you've ever seen the uh the family guy episode but like

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i was like okay everybody stand like arms length away from each other and they're

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like they put their arms out and then they stop and then everybody just starts

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gravitating towards each other again i'm like no no you have to you have to

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stay that way you have to like put your arms out and like spin in a small circle.

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And if you can touch someone, you are too close just to give them enough room

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to like do their movement. Of course.

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And it was like I was speaking a incredibly foreign language and no one could understand.

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It's like little things like that. Yeah. It's so generational.

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It's such a generational difference.

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It's funny, too, because I used

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to run graduation practice at the first middle school that I worked at.

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It just came a time where like people didn't do it anymore. And then it was

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like, OK, we're going to give it to you.

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And I was doing graduation practice and it would, we would always be like lining

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everyone up alphabetically.

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It was like, just remember once you're in line, who's in front of you and who's

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behind you. And then you're good.

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But for the most part, when kids sat in homeroom, you sat them alphabetically

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because it was just easier to take attendance.

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And like I said, when I first started my career, you sat students alphabetically.

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Like, I don't think anybody does that anymore.

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I don't want to say anybody, But I think very few people do that.

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You still wait. No, no, no, no. In your in your current class.

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No, you do not. No, you do not. In your current class right now.

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Don't you let them choose what tables they sit at?

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Every year in the beginning of the school year, I start out alphabetically.

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OK, but then you gravitate away. Always. Once I learn their names.

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Got it. Yes. Once I once I have a handle on everybody's names and who they are

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and like facial recognition.

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I don't let every one of my classes choose where they sit.

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That's a special privilege. So we have one class that we don't let choose where

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they sit because we have too many personalities.

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We have another class where I did March is, sorry, I have dog hair in my mouth,

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which is, you know, a regular day.

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If you're watching me on YouTube, I was like picking the dog hair out of my

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mouth. Hey, what's coming on, everybody?

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That's annoying. Um, so we have one, and then I decided to do a top of the patriarchy

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month because, uh, May, or excuse me, March is women's history month.

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So I was like, ladies, you get to choose wherever you want to sit.

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Gentlemen, you will be randomly selected to sit at certain tables based on the random name generator.

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And you sit where you sit, you get what you get and you don't get upset. That's right.

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Because for the thousands of years that you have been in charge, you have zero power now.

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And it became, well, what in this month? What about males and this religion?

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And now I'm like, no, this is just what we're doing this month.

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So I do things like that.

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Yeah, sometimes, like, lately it's like, you haven't changed our seats in a while.

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That's, like, the class that, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I like you where you are.

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So that's my other issue.

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It's, like, if I start to like where they are and the relationships that they

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have with one another and it works, like, my fourth period is just,

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like, a little, like, they're just droplets of magic. They're,

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like, the sprinkles on the ice cream of my day.

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And they're just adorable. Shut up, fourth period. Hey, but they really, um, they fight.

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Um, and it's so entertaining. Um, cause it's like, you know,

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silly fights, not real fights, um, like back and forth with words and things

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like that. And everyone is just sort of comfortable.

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Um, I would never, I can't, it's like, no, that's, you guys are going to stay

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here for, for the remainder of the year.

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Um, but that, yeah. And they sit wherever they want and they're like,

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should we move? Do you want to move us?

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I'm like, It's funny every once in a while, especially this year,

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I'll have kids like, hey, are we your favorite class? I'll be like, nope, period one.

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Like, I have no shame. Like, period one.

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Period one rules. I can put them anywhere. I can do anything with them.

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They're like, sure, let's do it. And then I have like, you know,

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some curmudgeon. So, why don't I have to do this today?

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We never do anything fun. We never do anything. We never get anything good.

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After we just did stations. How many dog? What happened? I know.

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Did you lick one of them when you got home? You know what it is?

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I think it's actually on my microphone.

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I didn't know maybe if it was like you had fresh soda lips.

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So that was, I did not excuse me. Soda is a dessert food. So I do not drink

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it while we are on the podcast anymore because you chastise me and make me a

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horrible human because I drink a diet Coke every day.

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So yeah, seven, two, gosh, darn it. I want to, I heard from a very reliable source.

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She's lying. That is not true. Every once in a while, every once in a while,

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I will have more than one.

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But I will have, sound like you were elf like when he takes that

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the whole two liter not even close not even close

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not even close i mean i did go to the movies recently

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and drink a whole soda myself and like must

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have went to the bathroom like nine times i got a fountain

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soda um recently and it was not everything that i had hoped it would be and

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i know i was like oh and you know and mcdonald's fountain soda is the you know

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to me it's there's no better it's the bee's knees it is and it wasn't I was

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like, oh, no, is there something wrong with this machine?

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So I will have one again.

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But it's got to be a fountain or in a glass. I'm being on a fountain. Glass bottle.

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There are times I'll do that, like, if my son has, like, a baseball game and

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I'm driving and I pass a McDonald's. I'm like, yep, $1.25, get a Diet Coke.

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And then I'll send you a picture from now on because, like, dessert soda, it's happening.

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Have you tried any of the probiotic, prebiotic sodas?

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Like one of my children loves soda the

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other two carbonation oh you mean like the water

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the waterloo those i don't so it's called poppy yep

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and it is um i have

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not by the way okay and she loves i'll bring you one um and

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she loves it and it's five calories for the can and it

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has a prebiotic probiotic in it um so

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it's just a better um i think they were recently

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bought um by another like giant company which i think conglomerate yes but um

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we've been having it we have it shipped but uh we have it like on auto shipped

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from amazon um because she really enjoys herself a coke i'm willing to try it

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i like those types of carbonated things to have some flavor to them,

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it's a cola flavor um that's the flavor she prefers um well if you would like

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to bring me one i will review it absolutely i would love to i would love to

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so i wish i could like I like deliver one to you right now. Oh, I got it right now.

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Television magic. I mean, is the Pee Wee Herman documentary in our family calendar?

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Oh, yeah. It has to be watched. Oh, yes. I mean, like the premiere date.

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I was looking through the next few weeks and I was cracking up that it is on

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the books. It's important.

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I mean, that's a big deal. Cannot miss. So we are talking about today,

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our topic today. We've went back and forth.

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Talk about pop music We are landing on And this has been kind of like in the

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books for a while But recently there's just been a lot of conversations Between

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Jamie and I at lunch And picking dog hair down my mouth And.

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And a lot of conversations at lunch Or like just in general Like,

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I don't get it. Like, there are things we don't get. Like, I just don't get it.

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And what is up? And like, I don't get it. What's up with our generation?

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Like, that's what I want to talk about here.

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I had a wonderful conversation just today with a coworker who is at a different place than I am.

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And slightly than you are, right? A younger place.

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Yeah. Well, her kids are younger, right? So she's in her 30s.

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Her kids are all, I think, kindergarten and under.

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Yeah. No, eight year old. She has an eight year old and maybe a five year old and a younger one.

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I don't know the exact ages, but we were talking about we were talking about our break.

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And, you know, my son plays baseball and the schedule just went a little bit haywire.

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You know, it's it's an outdoor sport. It rains.

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It's crazy. We got some late messages about games that were the next day,

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had the shifts up around in our schedules. And we were just talking about like,

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like, thankfully, I'm off. Right.

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So I mean, the spring break week I was off and I also, you know,

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being a middle school teacher, like if the schedule changes and I have to pick

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up my kid at four, I can do that because my schedule allows me to do that.

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But if I'm working a nine to five or commuting after five o'clock and commuting

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an hour, I'm not able to do that. And I don't know.

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Like why are we allowing ourselves like i don't get it why are we allowing ourselves,

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to have to do all the things because i was talking to her because like her son

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also like a collective agreement of exhaustion yes why are we doing why are

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we doing this to ourselves yeah there's a there's a bit of a issue that i have with um.

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And I don't want to be I don't want to get religious. I also want to go back.

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Not to cut you off. I do want to go back and make a comment about the whole

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sports thing as well. But I know you want to say because it's not just sports.

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Right. No, it's like all the activities. But my you know, my obviously when

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you think back to other time periods, people,

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you know, were obviously moms working is still new in the scope of the world. Right. So in history.

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But also. And you've talked about the folder before.

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Right. Yeah. Mom had the folder. It came home in a folder. And if it wasn't

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in the folder, it just didn't happen. It just didn't exist. Right.

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So no. But so so the idea of like this prize of who can be more exhausted,

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who can be more like out more nights of the week.

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You know, if your kid can't just do baseball, they have to do travel baseball

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and then you're, you know, going all over the place.

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You know, it is has become very socially acceptable and almost strange if you don't do that.

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Right. Like you're not as good of a parent if your kid is not in several activities

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or if they are in one, they're in like some sort of elite situation where it

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takes up like six of the seven days of the week for you and your family, even dance, you know.

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Is day after day after day after day.

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But the idea of genuinely feeling like there's not one day of the week where you are resting is.

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Is bananas to me. It's just something I do, I do not understand.

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So we were talking about it because like, I was like, ah, you're going to get

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to the place where I got to, because like her son was playing,

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playing rec baseball. You know, you remember rec baseball, right?

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You went, you played baseball, you never practiced.

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Your coach would be smoking Marlboros, uh, and, and popping Bud Toll boys after the practice. Right.

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Or maybe that was just my practice. And then, you know, you would

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have practice or you would have a game and you would get a snow cone and you

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would or fun dip they always had fun dip at the i like remember fun

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dip like your little stick and you put it in the thing are you

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kidding me i mean fun dip was if you ask my kids fun dip was what they gave

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for valentine's day every year in school yeah fun dip is amazing um yeah maybe

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we have to do you bite the stick oh hell yeah please do that i knew you were

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a stick biter i'm a stick biter this is going in a direction that we didn't think it would go.

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Yeah, I still like that one on the internet. Can't wait. So we, Jesus.

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I would have won money on that. Yeah, thank you. She plays a wager on,

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what is it? Yes. Yep. One of the betting websites. That's right.

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So her son plays like rec baseball and everybody, you know, played rec baseball.

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And then you start like, oh, the town has a travel team. Let's play travel.

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Okay. And then you get into travel.

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And here's the interesting thing about it. Yeah.

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And she asked, the coach asked her, would your son like to play travel ball?

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And she was like, well, I have a newborn at home.

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My husband's working nights. I don't remember the exact specifics.

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He's like, well, no, I just don't think it's the right time for us. And then,

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The guy didn't, I guess, like that answer and went and asked the husband and

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the husband was like, well, I got to talk to my wife.

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I wrote this thing, but I don't know if we can do it.

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So then the guy went and asked the kid and said, Hey, we think,

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you know, would you want to play travel ball?

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Be with your buddies and go play travel ball. So then the kid is like,

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mommy, I want to play travel ball.

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And they're like, well, I guess we're doing this now. And I'm not faulting the

00:15:34.618 --> 00:15:39.858
fact that that's, uh, I'm faulting the coach on this one because Because after

00:15:39.858 --> 00:15:42.818
it was asked, hey, would your kid like to play travel ball?

00:15:43.078 --> 00:15:45.458
And the parents said, I don't know if we could do it right now.

00:15:45.598 --> 00:15:47.778
There really isn't enough time. It should have ended.

00:15:48.398 --> 00:15:52.398
But when they go to the kid and then the kid comes to you with the puppy dog

00:15:52.398 --> 00:15:56.398
eyes and you don't want to say no, which I can't fault the parent for not wanting to say no.

00:15:56.478 --> 00:15:58.938
You want to give them that experience, right? If they really enjoy it,

00:15:59.778 --> 00:16:02.218
then I don't know. I just think that that's wrong.

00:16:02.518 --> 00:16:06.498
So, yeah, I'm like. So you don't find fault that the parents just couldn't say

00:16:06.498 --> 00:16:09.858
no to the child? It's not that I don't find fault.

00:16:09.998 --> 00:16:12.918
Like, I get it. Okay, let's try it. Let's see what happens.

00:16:13.238 --> 00:16:16.118
Like, I get that. But I kind of put fault on the coach. Like,

00:16:16.518 --> 00:16:20.338
you talk to the parents. They basically said no. Leave them alone.

00:16:21.318 --> 00:16:26.738
You know what I mean? But then ultimately, it does go to the parents that the

00:16:26.738 --> 00:16:29.338
parents are going to have to say no.

00:16:29.618 --> 00:16:33.478
This is not good for our family. It's not the right thing.

00:16:33.698 --> 00:16:39.218
However, like the social and societal pressures have been put in place that

00:16:39.218 --> 00:16:45.838
make it seem as if you say no ever to your child, you're not a good parent. Yeah.

00:16:46.498 --> 00:16:52.038
Like you didn't give them that opportunity. Yeah. You didn't allow them to.

00:16:52.378 --> 00:16:55.778
And that is very, very difficult.

00:16:56.558 --> 00:17:04.278
This is also me being hindsight being 20-20 because we didn't say no to a lot

00:17:04.278 --> 00:17:05.518
of things with our kids either.

00:17:06.747 --> 00:17:10.527
To give them that experience. However, we also knew what our limits were.

00:17:11.307 --> 00:17:16.687
We did not want to place our children in a travel sports program that was, oh, hey, thumbs up.

00:17:17.187 --> 00:17:20.907
Also, your ages of your kids make your decisions different because you have

00:17:20.907 --> 00:17:22.327
two kids that are the same age.

00:17:22.867 --> 00:17:28.007
Correct. And so you never had a situation where you were, had an older child

00:17:28.007 --> 00:17:30.607
and then said like, oh, but I have a baby at home.

00:17:30.727 --> 00:17:34.887
You know what I mean? So that does make things in the family set up.

00:17:35.087 --> 00:17:39.927
I mean, we were at events, you know, our kids being four years apart.

00:17:40.007 --> 00:17:44.967
We were at things that, you know, with our five, six-year-olds and our two-year-olds.

00:17:45.167 --> 00:17:51.807
And it made things like so tricky because it was, you know, who's nap time and

00:17:51.807 --> 00:17:54.107
who was crying and then who didn't, you know.

00:17:54.107 --> 00:17:58.187
And some people, I guess, are just really like there's a rare bird,

00:17:58.187 --> 00:18:03.987
I think, of a family that is totally and completely like fine with like reeling

00:18:03.987 --> 00:18:08.087
like a three month old and sitting outside for several hours.

00:18:08.087 --> 00:18:13.647
But it was not OK for me. You know, so we did divide and conquer a lot,

00:18:13.767 --> 00:18:18.907
but we were also only able to divide and conquer because like, like you said earlier,

00:18:19.547 --> 00:18:26.687
neither of us, you know, were at work at 8 p.m., you know, so although like,

00:18:27.027 --> 00:18:31.127
you know, Jason's commute always got in the way of things that we were doing

00:18:31.127 --> 00:18:37.427
because we I could never guarantee it was always like, oh, probably until 6 p.m. it's on me alone.

00:18:38.247 --> 00:18:42.427
But he wasn't, it's not like he was working nights or I was working nights or

00:18:42.427 --> 00:18:44.707
something like that, but it does make it tricky.

00:18:44.827 --> 00:18:49.567
And so the person that you're using as an example has three kids, all different ages.

00:18:49.827 --> 00:18:55.467
One of them is a baby and that makes it incredibly difficult to be traveling around.

00:18:56.627 --> 00:19:00.727
And it, yeah, I, he should, she shouldn't have been asked, but also she shouldn't,

00:19:00.827 --> 00:19:03.947
there shouldn't be a greater pressure felt to not,

00:19:05.055 --> 00:19:08.615
be able to say, just say no. And I think the saying no is not like you're going

00:19:08.615 --> 00:19:12.395
to disappoint your kid. It's like, oh, what are other parents going to think? Everybody.

00:19:12.975 --> 00:19:16.835
Everybody. What's everybody going to think? And we, we made decisions with our

00:19:16.835 --> 00:19:20.335
kids, like, like, um, you know, to kind of circle back to it,

00:19:20.395 --> 00:19:23.895
we decided like, okay, we're going to find them travel programs to play in because

00:19:23.895 --> 00:19:26.555
they decided they, they wanted to play sports in high school.

00:19:26.815 --> 00:19:30.455
And we said, okay, well, if you want to be competitive and play sports in high

00:19:30.455 --> 00:19:35.535
school, we probably need to find you some kind of program to put in more,

00:19:35.935 --> 00:19:38.295
you know, give you more instruction, right?

00:19:38.635 --> 00:19:42.955
My kids were also not the kind to be like, we're going to go outside and we're

00:19:42.955 --> 00:19:45.255
going to kick the soccer ball around for an hour every single day.

00:19:45.335 --> 00:19:48.335
We're going to go outside and we're going to hit a ball off a tee every single day.

00:19:48.655 --> 00:19:54.055
They just didn't do that. So they also are not seeing the same amount of time

00:19:54.055 --> 00:19:55.975
on the field as other kids because of that.

00:19:56.155 --> 00:19:58.655
Like they don't, it's not that they don't put in the work, but they don't put

00:19:58.655 --> 00:20:05.275
in as much work as kids that are completely dedicated 100% to getting better

00:20:05.275 --> 00:20:06.875
at whatever sport they're getting better at.

00:20:07.215 --> 00:20:10.395
We didn't want to find an organization that was like, well, we'll take you on,

00:20:10.495 --> 00:20:14.555
but you might not play because we have better kids that are out there. No.

00:20:14.735 --> 00:20:19.675
If I'm paying for my kid, I'm paying for my kid to play and get experience, not to sit on a bench.

00:20:20.055 --> 00:20:24.655
We also didn't want to do large amounts of travel, meaning like.

00:20:25.295 --> 00:20:27.535
Okay, in the state of New Jersey, we're going to be in a travel league.

00:20:27.675 --> 00:20:30.355
Great. I'm not going to Atlanta. I'm not flying to Phoenix.

00:20:30.675 --> 00:20:35.335
My kids are not good But even within the state, there are like the older that

00:20:35.335 --> 00:20:39.975
your child gets, the larger the travel radius becomes. Yeah.

00:20:40.655 --> 00:20:47.935
The furthest we traveled probably was about two hours for Sophia, one weekend for soccer.

00:20:49.115 --> 00:20:54.135
We also made the decision to step away from a travel season that my daughter

00:20:54.135 --> 00:20:58.195
was booked for because of, you know, some health reasons.

00:20:58.855 --> 00:21:01.515
You know, she was having a procedure done. It wasn't going to be able to play

00:21:01.515 --> 00:21:06.815
for a while and it had to be done. So it didn't coincide or conflict with her senior season.

00:21:07.275 --> 00:21:12.415
And it coincided with the schedule of the surgeon to get the procedure done.

00:21:12.555 --> 00:21:17.415
So there was like a lot of steps involved. And the one thing we had to say was we like,

00:21:18.450 --> 00:21:22.430
we maybe should step aside from this, but we also left it up to her. Like, are you happy?

00:21:22.590 --> 00:21:26.530
And she's like, no, I'm really not. Like, I don't really want to do this.

00:21:26.590 --> 00:21:29.910
And we kind of, I don't want to say got roped into it because we didn't,

00:21:29.990 --> 00:21:33.730
we know what we signed up for, but it was going to be like four days a week.

00:21:34.150 --> 00:21:37.950
And a lot of the practice was 30 to 35 minutes away. And like,

00:21:38.030 --> 00:21:41.150
they're not driving. So that's on me or my wife to do that.

00:21:41.350 --> 00:21:46.270
Who's, you know, has a job and I have a job. We don't have the capability to do it.

00:21:46.770 --> 00:21:51.630
We just didn't. And also it's like, how about I just don't I don't want to.

00:21:52.690 --> 00:21:55.710
Yeah. And it's not like she did. And it's not like she had a case of the I don't

00:21:55.710 --> 00:21:57.830
want to. No, I mean, as adults.

00:21:58.290 --> 00:22:04.790
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Adults like the unrealistic expectations are, you know, oh, who?

00:22:05.030 --> 00:22:08.090
You know, people are like, oh, nobody has dinner together anymore.

00:22:09.610 --> 00:22:13.350
To me, there's like a greater issue of like the continuing breakdown of the

00:22:13.350 --> 00:22:17.110
American family and the idea of like being able to do that.

00:22:17.110 --> 00:22:22.090
And so, you know, even being able to sit and eat together has become,

00:22:22.290 --> 00:22:28.210
like, somewhat of an impossibility for so many people because they're just constantly

00:22:28.210 --> 00:22:30.350
dropping off, picking up.

00:22:30.630 --> 00:22:36.690
And I just, I really want to make sure that, like, we're very clear in that it's not just sports.

00:22:36.850 --> 00:22:41.570
No. Because there are tons of other activities that kids, my kids are in the arts.

00:22:42.450 --> 00:22:45.790
And, you know, when you said before about, like, your kids practicing,

00:22:45.790 --> 00:22:53.950
like, my kids being musical, it is hours of extra practice on top of practice.

00:22:54.470 --> 00:22:56.710
So, like, I, you know, have...

00:22:57.350 --> 00:23:03.770
One in particular who schedules her own personal practice time and would not

00:23:03.770 --> 00:23:05.730
miss a day of practicing.

00:23:06.330 --> 00:23:10.390
And that's not just her instrument, but also it might be lines to be memorized.

00:23:10.390 --> 00:23:13.150
It might be songs that need to be learned or choreography.

00:23:13.670 --> 00:23:19.470
And like my girls are extremely serious about that work that they do.

00:23:19.610 --> 00:23:22.990
And so that is something that can take up at least three days a week.

00:23:23.510 --> 00:23:27.970
And then on top of it, and that's for one activity. That's not even instruments.

00:23:27.970 --> 00:23:29.430
That's only for theater.

00:23:29.870 --> 00:23:33.290
You know, so it can be extremely time consuming.

00:23:33.550 --> 00:23:38.510
Same thing with people whose kids are in like competitive dance programs and

00:23:38.510 --> 00:23:42.770
they are, you know, traveling and going here, there and everywhere.

00:23:42.770 --> 00:23:48.250
And then also at the studio, what could be every single day of the week.

00:23:48.250 --> 00:23:52.210
And I have, I have a young man that I work with, um, doing the executive function

00:23:52.210 --> 00:24:00.530
coaching I do, uh, who is a high, uh, level competitive swimmer and like, he's not a normal kid.

00:24:01.070 --> 00:24:06.470
And I don't mean that in a bad way. Like I, I am, I am often impressed by his work ethic.

00:24:07.830 --> 00:24:11.270
He is up at four 30 in the morning. He goes to the pool in the morning.

00:24:11.490 --> 00:24:14.350
He goes to dry land, which is basically like the weight room afterwards.

00:24:14.350 --> 00:24:19.830
Afterwards um he's involved in in those that that's his that's his life that's his thing,

00:24:20.310 --> 00:24:23.170
i don't know how it works for him at home but like i know

00:24:23.170 --> 00:24:27.970
if i'm the one getting up at 4 30 and i'm poking you to get you out of bed and

00:24:27.970 --> 00:24:30.790
i'm saying come on let's go come on we gotta go come on we gotta go that's not

00:24:30.790 --> 00:24:35.850
gonna last but this kid is up adam let's go let's get to the pool let's do the

00:24:35.850 --> 00:24:39.230
thing do the swimming and also is paying dividends because of it because he's

00:24:39.230 --> 00:24:41.350
a very high level competitive swimmers.

00:24:41.550 --> 00:24:46.110
I mean, I will say I have like a very, very strict rule here and I've had it

00:24:46.110 --> 00:24:50.510
since they were little and I have stuck by it and I have stuck by it.

00:24:51.845 --> 00:24:58.465
To, uh, I mean, a serious fault, which is if we are signed up to do something

00:24:58.465 --> 00:25:02.405
and I have to ask you more than once to get, let's go.

00:25:02.825 --> 00:25:06.265
We're not going. Yeah. And it's over and we're not doing it anymore.

00:25:06.425 --> 00:25:09.385
Well, that also puts the ownership on the kid, you know? And I mean,

00:25:09.445 --> 00:25:12.145
even like three years of, I mean, in high school is very different.

00:25:12.365 --> 00:25:14.445
This was different when they were younger.

00:25:14.705 --> 00:25:17.885
Um, Because especially, like, my girls love to play.

00:25:18.385 --> 00:25:22.245
And they say play is a child's workplace, you know.

00:25:22.625 --> 00:25:28.325
And they love to play. And I think a lot of kids have gotten away from just

00:25:28.325 --> 00:25:32.465
free play, creative play, outdoor play, making things up.

00:25:32.585 --> 00:25:38.705
And I think the benefit of that has been sadly dismissed.

00:25:39.245 --> 00:25:42.525
And, you know, what are you doing? We're just playing, right?

00:25:42.525 --> 00:25:49.645
So, um, but for three years of high school swim, I have never woken Drew up.

00:25:49.865 --> 00:25:54.265
Um, he sets his own alarm. He gets up before me as the driver,

00:25:54.265 --> 00:25:56.265
um, and is a hundred percent ready.

00:25:56.425 --> 00:26:00.845
And that is, you know, um, that is a level of, um, you know,

00:26:01.165 --> 00:26:05.705
commitment that I don't, but see as a parent, um, and this is,

00:26:05.805 --> 00:26:09.105
I guess when I'm going to, you know, be judgmental, Like, I don't understand.

00:26:09.725 --> 00:26:15.145
Like, what do you mean you were fighting with your kids to get them to get out of bed?

00:26:15.265 --> 00:26:19.205
And like what I think when you back from like when the kid was in the stroller

00:26:19.205 --> 00:26:21.525
and people would be like, my kid would never sit in a stroller.

00:26:21.685 --> 00:26:28.185
Like, I don't understand like where we have gone off the rails with what ownership

00:26:28.185 --> 00:26:32.505
parents take over what their children like. Why are they ruling you?

00:26:32.645 --> 00:26:34.945
I don't get it. I don't get it.

00:26:35.165 --> 00:26:39.085
Yeah, I really don't. I don't. I wish someone could explain that to me or like,

00:26:39.165 --> 00:26:40.525
oh, they won't wear shoes.

00:26:41.025 --> 00:26:43.825
They're two. They won't wear shoes. Yeah, no.

00:26:45.085 --> 00:26:50.765
But I'm telling you, it's all this. To me, it is very much an interconnected

00:26:50.765 --> 00:26:56.145
thing because we're being told that, you know,

00:26:56.485 --> 00:27:00.265
and then we're like, you should do this and then you should do this and then you should do this.

00:27:00.305 --> 00:27:03.085
And in order to be a good parent, whatever a good parent is,

00:27:03.525 --> 00:27:08.485
you know, don't say no. And so the not saying no starts at such a young age.

00:27:08.525 --> 00:27:13.525
And I've been in places and out in the world with my kids where I have said

00:27:13.525 --> 00:27:16.885
no, and people look at me as if I'm beating them.

00:27:18.725 --> 00:27:23.065
Oh and and it's like what what's

00:27:23.065 --> 00:27:25.885
happening right no it's no you're not getting that no

00:27:25.885 --> 00:27:29.825
we're not doing that no we're not and it's like okay you know and obviously

00:27:29.825 --> 00:27:32.685
when we're talking about two year olds three year olds four year olds five year

00:27:32.685 --> 00:27:36.705
olds they're still developing their you know what's an appropriate response

00:27:36.705 --> 00:27:43.585
and they and i do believe like all emotions are right yeah not all behaviors are,

00:27:44.927 --> 00:27:49.427
So you can feel what you're feeling without screaming, yelling,

00:27:49.607 --> 00:27:52.067
crying, kicking, punching, whatever that might be.

00:27:52.227 --> 00:27:54.407
Right. So it's like it's OK to feel the way that you're feeling,

00:27:54.407 --> 00:27:59.747
but you can't just behave however you want to, whenever you want to.

00:27:59.907 --> 00:28:05.387
And that is also a very difficult parenting issue because, you know,

00:28:05.447 --> 00:28:08.847
I've been met with like, why are you saying no? Oh, don't be mean.

00:28:09.147 --> 00:28:11.907
Oh, come on. on oh i used to get that from

00:28:11.907 --> 00:28:14.687
my parents not a lot but like oh come

00:28:14.687 --> 00:28:17.587
on just like no right now there there was

00:28:17.587 --> 00:28:20.627
a time when we were out uh like a little

00:28:20.627 --> 00:28:23.467
thing and my son was misbehaving and there was like this little thing at

00:28:23.467 --> 00:28:27.687
a like a minor league hockey game where the kids could go in and like play and

00:28:27.687 --> 00:28:31.027
like do this stuff and i kept telling him like look if you're gonna if you're

00:28:31.027 --> 00:28:34.307
gonna behave this way the answer is no and he kept behaving and then one of

00:28:34.307 --> 00:28:37.407
the other dads was like oh come on they just need an extra person just let him

00:28:37.407 --> 00:28:40.687
in i said no it's it's not the line has been drawn. It's not happening.

00:28:41.187 --> 00:28:46.907
Right. So and yeah, I'll be the bad guy. But oh, well, it's hard, though. It's so.

00:28:47.347 --> 00:28:54.327
Yeah. But then as teachers, we're not really that shocked that we see behaviors of kids.

00:28:54.547 --> 00:29:00.507
And to me, it's like, oh, when you were four, no one told you no.

00:29:00.847 --> 00:29:05.487
Yeah. And that a tantrum was not an appropriate, you know, we have kids that

00:29:05.487 --> 00:29:10.067
are 12, 13, 14 that are having tantrums. Yeah.

00:29:10.247 --> 00:29:14.827
We see this on, we see this on the internet when people are videoing people

00:29:14.827 --> 00:29:19.287
having tantrums, complete and utter temper tantrums.

00:29:19.287 --> 00:29:23.607
I think the, the difficult part for me is when we talk from the,

00:29:23.727 --> 00:29:25.327
from the teaching student perspective

00:29:25.327 --> 00:29:30.007
is, is just the argumentative nature where I, I just get like, yes,

00:29:30.367 --> 00:29:34.507
like why are you arguing exactly like you

00:29:34.507 --> 00:29:37.447
know there's been situations where i'm addressing a student and

00:29:37.447 --> 00:29:41.467
someone else gets involved and i'm like i'm like

00:29:41.467 --> 00:29:44.427
i'm like that i'm not talking

00:29:44.427 --> 00:29:49.527
to you like like please please mind mind your own business like step aside and

00:29:49.527 --> 00:29:56.507
mind your i don't know where that comes from that to me is is more of a relationship

00:29:56.507 --> 00:30:00.107
experience parenting thing like this is what they experience at home.

00:30:00.107 --> 00:30:01.727
So they think they're going to be able to do it here.

00:30:02.447 --> 00:30:07.107
And, or, and I'm like, no, like it, it does not concern you.

00:30:07.467 --> 00:30:12.547
So worry about you. The one thing you can worry about is you and your behavior

00:30:12.547 --> 00:30:15.447
and how you control it. And I say these things constantly. Yeah.

00:30:15.847 --> 00:30:23.627
Um, what do you think about like, uh, having a day of the week where everyone is, you know, um.

00:30:26.347 --> 00:30:31.927
Expected to rest. Yeah, we've been doing that a little bit more.

00:30:32.067 --> 00:30:36.647
It seems like, especially now, right now, I'm in the midst of a baseball season, okay?

00:30:37.807 --> 00:30:39.307
And my daughter's playing.

00:30:41.127 --> 00:30:45.547
She's participating in flag football where she can because she had a procedure done.

00:30:45.847 --> 00:30:49.927
She was doing some stuff earlier in the season, but decided to take a little

00:30:49.927 --> 00:30:51.807
bit of a break because the doctor said so.

00:30:51.927 --> 00:30:54.647
And now she's back and she's hanging out and going to practice. she likes being

00:30:54.647 --> 00:30:57.747
around a team like some of the girls that she hangs out with and

00:30:57.747 --> 00:31:00.667
my son same thing um but i think

00:31:00.667 --> 00:31:03.827
they're also like okay it's sunday i'm not i'm not doing anything like

00:31:03.827 --> 00:31:05.967
they're like i don't want to go out with my friends today i don't want to leave

00:31:05.967 --> 00:31:10.307
the house like i'm just going to be here at the house doing my thing and it's

00:31:10.307 --> 00:31:15.407
like uh but the difficult part for me is like okay well you know you guys need

00:31:15.407 --> 00:31:20.207
to do your laundry because i'm not doing it during the week like because there's

00:31:20.207 --> 00:31:23.367
no time because we're all over the place so like i realize you want to sit around,

00:31:23.527 --> 00:31:26.867
you want to paint, you want to play video games, but put the laundry in a washer,

00:31:27.667 --> 00:31:29.947
set a timer, go down in an hour, put it in a dryer.

00:31:30.567 --> 00:31:34.267
There's nothing wrong with doing that and taking care of your responsibilities,

00:31:34.467 --> 00:31:35.567
getting yourself set up for the week.

00:31:35.707 --> 00:31:40.747
That's one of those executive function things again, like learn how to do those

00:31:40.747 --> 00:31:43.207
tasks because we are getting college students,

00:31:43.207 --> 00:31:49.907
college students that are asking for executive function coaching because they

00:31:49.907 --> 00:31:52.587
can't figure out how to manage their schedule and do their work.

00:31:53.147 --> 00:31:56.967
And that leads me to believe that the parents were doing that,

00:31:57.087 --> 00:32:00.847
not the work, but maybe setting up the schedules for them while they were in

00:32:00.847 --> 00:32:02.407
high school and doing all of those things.

00:32:03.547 --> 00:32:06.547
So, well, I mean, I think too, there are, there is definitely,

00:32:06.887 --> 00:32:11.387
you know, sometimes like in the mental health space, there are like difficulties

00:32:11.387 --> 00:32:13.887
for people with like task completion.

00:32:14.467 --> 00:32:17.887
Because it, you know, I always say it's like you're standing at the bottom of

00:32:17.887 --> 00:32:22.487
a mountain and sometimes you look up and you think, this mountain is too high,

00:32:22.607 --> 00:32:24.087
I'm just going to sit down.

00:32:24.307 --> 00:32:27.267
And I always say, like, don't worry about how far you have to go.

00:32:27.387 --> 00:32:31.007
Like, just start climbing. And you can figure it out as you're on the climb.

00:32:31.287 --> 00:32:37.607
And I use that a lot with Jason and Drew because they both have a tendency to

00:32:37.607 --> 00:32:42.607
feel completely and totally overwhelmed by being able to, you know,

00:32:42.807 --> 00:32:43.787
where do I, how do I start?

00:32:43.887 --> 00:32:46.367
Where do I start? When do I start? And I'm never going to get it done,

00:32:46.387 --> 00:32:50.867
you know. So I think sometimes that can be, you know, a real challenge for people.

00:32:51.587 --> 00:32:55.127
But it isn't necessarily just because like someone always did it for them.

00:32:55.247 --> 00:32:58.687
I think sometimes you just get caught up, you know, you're right.

00:32:58.827 --> 00:33:02.967
And I should. And again, I'm glad you're mentioning that because that's a mistake on my part.

00:33:03.107 --> 00:33:04.987
Right. It's not every person that's like that. It's not a mistake.

00:33:05.067 --> 00:33:07.667
I mean, I just, you know, had to say no one can ever say no.

00:33:07.847 --> 00:33:11.227
I mean, I get it. We're like, you know, there's certain like generalizations

00:33:11.227 --> 00:33:13.407
and we know and we can appreciate that.

00:33:13.487 --> 00:33:19.147
And some of them are very true. Um, but it is this idea of, you know, um,

00:33:19.604 --> 00:33:25.144
when you feel so overwhelmed. And, and what do you do?

00:33:25.404 --> 00:33:29.704
And I think it is, I don't know, I just, I have like, you know,

00:33:29.864 --> 00:33:32.664
like the rain, the desert and the rainstorm.

00:33:32.984 --> 00:33:35.864
So I go through phases where, you know, they always say, like,

00:33:35.924 --> 00:33:38.084
if you want something done, give it to someone who's busy.

00:33:38.984 --> 00:33:42.184
And, and it is so true. It's like, I'm going to multitask and I'm going to,

00:33:42.304 --> 00:33:47.424
so it's not necessarily a space for me where i ever feel like oh i can't get

00:33:47.424 --> 00:33:49.804
that done because to me it's if i have a list.

00:33:50.984 --> 00:33:56.804
And i can plan it and see it then i'm i can do it and it's fine well it also

00:33:56.804 --> 00:34:03.244
comes to like the whole idea of what is it sisyphus is that pronounced correctly um that's like sip no.

00:34:03.984 --> 00:34:07.184
Sisyphus the pushing the boulder up the hill and then you get all the way to

00:34:07.184 --> 00:34:11.164
the top and then it rolls back down like i i'm like that i'm more in that headspace

00:34:11.164 --> 00:34:14.284
like yeah it's all done but it's not really all done and then you kind of like

00:34:14.284 --> 00:34:17.964
roll back down the hill it's never i know it's never all done you know my my

00:34:17.964 --> 00:34:22.544
dad is taking care of my mom and he was we're very similar he and i,

00:34:23.244 --> 00:34:26.364
it's funny and then jason and my mom are kind of similar and certain like they're

00:34:26.364 --> 00:34:28.964
like you can do it you know they are they're very good at waiting for someone

00:34:28.964 --> 00:34:33.904
else to do it um and my dad and i are the ones who are like we'll do it um and

00:34:33.904 --> 00:34:40.864
since he's been so busy with her in other ways like he can't do it.

00:34:41.104 --> 00:34:43.624
And it's so crazy because it's like, oh my God, you're almost 80.

00:34:43.844 --> 00:34:47.204
And this was never a problem for you ever in your life before.

00:34:47.384 --> 00:34:50.744
So that's why I'm thinking like in the response to you with like some of the

00:34:50.744 --> 00:34:54.064
college kids, it's like, oh my goodness, like maybe they're just,

00:34:54.404 --> 00:35:00.604
there's so much stress and so much pressure that they can't kind of move through it, you know?

00:35:00.964 --> 00:35:05.584
And we cleaned the attic the other day at my parents' closets and attic.

00:35:05.744 --> 00:35:11.964
And I have never had to do something like that before because my dad would always

00:35:11.964 --> 00:35:16.064
figure out a way to get that, those types of things done.

00:35:16.624 --> 00:35:20.564
And it was, and he looked at me and it was like such a sincere.

00:35:21.544 --> 00:35:23.304
Like, how are we going to do this?

00:35:24.364 --> 00:35:27.464
How, how are we going to do this? And I was like, oh my gosh.

00:35:27.564 --> 00:35:29.744
I'd like, I was like, this is great. And we have three kids here.

00:35:30.084 --> 00:35:32.704
You don't have to bend over. Cause I don't know why for some reason,

00:35:32.864 --> 00:35:36.924
as I get older um and having the vertigo and stuff the bending is like.

00:35:39.684 --> 00:35:42.484
I hate like that like pickup bend over pin i

00:35:42.484 --> 00:35:45.244
don't know it's like a thing for me as i'm getting um you know

00:35:45.244 --> 00:35:48.104
i'm so old but and i was like and dad you don't have

00:35:48.104 --> 00:35:50.764
to bend over i don't know i thought that was like such a great get you one of

00:35:50.764 --> 00:35:56.524
those like grabber things or i use my feet a lot like i have like i'm like a

00:35:56.524 --> 00:36:01.704
monkey oh yeah monkey toes i don't know so uh but it was it really And he was

00:36:01.704 --> 00:36:09.164
looking at me and I could tell that it was something that he had genuinely thought he was going to do.

00:36:10.170 --> 00:36:13.970
And had in his mind had said so many times, I'm going to do this.

00:36:14.050 --> 00:36:18.010
And he walked away from it because it was something that seemed when I,

00:36:18.170 --> 00:36:21.290
we got this done in like under four hours.

00:36:21.510 --> 00:36:23.830
Now, instead of saying, uh, I don't get it.

00:36:24.130 --> 00:36:27.690
Um, I get it. Like I get where he's coming from, where like sometimes you just

00:36:27.690 --> 00:36:30.930
need to step aside and let somebody else help.

00:36:31.090 --> 00:36:34.330
But that's why I think like what you, what you guys offer, um,

00:36:34.450 --> 00:36:39.930
is so awesome because there are so many, now we have a name for it, right?

00:36:39.930 --> 00:36:43.750
It's like people used to be like, oh, they're kind of nervous.

00:36:43.750 --> 00:36:46.450
And now we know it's like, it's anxiety, right?

00:36:46.590 --> 00:36:50.370
And so to be able to say, this is something like this, this,

00:36:50.450 --> 00:36:55.330
you get locked and frozen in your ability to have any kind of task completion

00:36:55.330 --> 00:36:57.490
and where that's connected to,

00:36:57.630 --> 00:37:03.350
I think is so healthy in like for the mental health space to be able to recognize and like,

00:37:03.690 --> 00:37:07.250
hey, this could be just something for, for six months, or this could be something

00:37:07.250 --> 00:37:10.550
that like, you know, you have ADD and you just can't, you know,

00:37:10.630 --> 00:37:14.310
that's a big part of, um, I know a lot of people have a challenge with that and that space too.

00:37:14.470 --> 00:37:19.010
I think it's so great that even if they're in college, they could be 50.

00:37:19.270 --> 00:37:23.430
It doesn't matter the age or, or time.

00:37:23.730 --> 00:37:28.230
It could be something that, you know, you could work on and fix and someone

00:37:28.230 --> 00:37:32.090
could be struggling with that for their whole lives. Yeah. I get it.

00:37:33.450 --> 00:37:36.650
And also in our profession, we talk a little bit about schools, right?

00:37:36.790 --> 00:37:42.950
Like we have to do all the things it's so many things it's like if you're you're a good teacher,

00:37:43.730 --> 00:37:46.730
if you're doing engaging lessons in the classroom and

00:37:46.730 --> 00:37:51.050
and you're decorating your space to look like harry potter's bookstore and you're

00:37:51.050 --> 00:37:55.230
you're i don't know i'm making weird references up and you're involved in all

00:37:55.230 --> 00:37:57.890
the clubs and you're doing all the things and you're doing this and you're doing

00:37:57.890 --> 00:38:00.670
that and you're draining on your own personal time a lot of things you're not

00:38:00.670 --> 00:38:03.890
getting paid for right but then we go back to something else like,

00:38:04.859 --> 00:38:07.879
Now that there's a shift of like a lot of things happening during the school

00:38:07.879 --> 00:38:10.859
day. Yeah. And this was another conversation that we had.

00:38:11.979 --> 00:38:16.099
This this coworker and I because she did say something and I thought it was

00:38:16.099 --> 00:38:19.939
adorable that they're doing a pre-K prom.

00:38:21.039 --> 00:38:26.779
Oh, for the kids. I know. Right. But like, I think it's adorable now because

00:38:26.779 --> 00:38:29.059
like, oh, my kids are older and that'd be so cute.

00:38:29.199 --> 00:38:31.659
They're going to dress up and they're going to like go to a park for pictures

00:38:31.659 --> 00:38:34.059
and be like a whole thing. She's like, oh, my God, like, they're five.

00:38:34.239 --> 00:38:37.739
Why are we doing this? I'm like, oh, it's adorable. And that's me on,

00:38:37.839 --> 00:38:41.719
like, the opposite end of it, right? I think it's adorable because I don't have to do it. Exactly.

00:38:42.599 --> 00:38:46.999
Because if, like, I told her, I said, if I were you, if this,

00:38:47.139 --> 00:38:50.739
like, if my kids were your age, I'd be like, oh, my God, another thing.

00:38:50.899 --> 00:38:55.419
So it actually leads us to a clip that we're going to play from Kelly Clarkson

00:38:55.419 --> 00:38:58.679
most recently, who made a comment, which got her a little bit of hot water.

00:38:59.279 --> 00:39:02.219
But I'm going to tell you, I kind of agree with her. Yeah.

00:39:02.579 --> 00:39:07.799
Hi, I'm Kelly Clarkson. I'm not gonna lie. I don't know when the school systems

00:39:07.799 --> 00:39:11.899
thought it would be a good plan for families and their emotional stability to

00:39:11.899 --> 00:39:14.919
start having performances at 10 a.m.

00:39:15.139 --> 00:39:18.779
During the week. This just in a lot of us work and surprising you with it,

00:39:19.019 --> 00:39:22.239
like not giving you like an advance where you can at least tell your work,

00:39:22.479 --> 00:39:26.299
hey, I'm gonna need this morning off like to come in like and a lot of jobs

00:39:26.299 --> 00:39:27.119
wouldn't let you do that anyway.

00:39:27.299 --> 00:39:30.859
But even if you're like the boss and you would have that control.

00:39:31.039 --> 00:39:32.779
Our kids don't understand.

00:39:32.979 --> 00:39:35.859
And we just look like when we're not there.

00:39:36.019 --> 00:39:39.419
And then they go, why was this mom there? And then you have to say,

00:39:39.579 --> 00:39:41.619
because that kid got a better mom.

00:39:43.079 --> 00:39:47.839
So, you know, in that clip, she talked about like, she missed an announcement

00:39:47.839 --> 00:39:54.259
or an email from the school and she missed like a recital or didn't see it early

00:39:54.259 --> 00:39:55.499
enough for her to change her schedule.

00:39:55.759 --> 00:39:58.739
And she's like, well, I guess I'm a bad parent now. And I wish these schools

00:39:58.739 --> 00:40:01.319
would stop doing stuff during the school day and do stuff after school.

00:40:01.679 --> 00:40:03.099
And it's not that I disagree with her.

00:40:03.899 --> 00:40:07.259
Uh, cause I do agree with her because I think it's very hard to have to take

00:40:07.259 --> 00:40:10.179
off from school to go to your kids' events, but you want to take off of school

00:40:10.179 --> 00:40:11.059
to go to your kids' events.

00:40:11.199 --> 00:40:13.519
So people take off of school to go to their kids' events.

00:40:14.279 --> 00:40:17.539
No one's ever going to be like, Oh, you shouldn't have taken off to go to your

00:40:17.539 --> 00:40:21.299
child's chorus recital during the school day.

00:40:21.719 --> 00:40:25.239
Like no one, whatever. Like if you say that you're a horrible human to say that

00:40:25.239 --> 00:40:28.359
to someone else. Like you want to go, you want to experience that stuff. Right.

00:40:28.719 --> 00:40:32.319
But also from the opposite side of the coin, which is where the backlash came

00:40:32.319 --> 00:40:35.179
from, it was, well, you're asking teachers to stay after school.

00:40:35.179 --> 00:40:38.299
A lot of times they're doing this stuff for free or at a very,

00:40:38.419 --> 00:40:39.539
very, very reduced rate.

00:40:39.679 --> 00:40:43.199
And now we're asking for yet another thing for them to do.

00:40:43.379 --> 00:40:46.739
So it's after school. So you're able to go. Yeah. So I understand,

00:40:47.019 --> 00:40:49.279
I completely understand where she's coming from.

00:40:49.639 --> 00:40:54.439
And in many ways, I agree with it because I know when there's something like,

00:40:54.579 --> 00:40:55.839
I know how this is going to sound.

00:40:56.039 --> 00:40:59.659
Like my kids had national junior honor society inductions in middle school. Okay.

00:41:00.970 --> 00:41:05.350
And I took off to go like I would have rather not to be very honest.

00:41:05.550 --> 00:41:08.770
Like it would have been nice if it was during it was an after school event.

00:41:09.110 --> 00:41:13.890
So then I could have went. But like even then, you're never going to make everyone happy.

00:41:14.010 --> 00:41:17.650
Right. It's never going to happen. But there's one this week that's at 3 p.m.,

00:41:17.650 --> 00:41:20.010
which I find I was like, is that an invitation?

00:41:20.510 --> 00:41:25.470
You know, 3 p.m. Yes. It's at 3 p.m. I said, wow, what an interesting time because

00:41:25.470 --> 00:41:32.030
it's after the school day, but it's not that late after. I don't know.

00:41:32.110 --> 00:41:35.930
I was like, oh, okay, well, I guess I'll see and try.

00:41:36.150 --> 00:41:42.490
And I'll never forget I missed the fifth grade. They had D.A.R.E., right?

00:41:42.970 --> 00:41:47.310
Oh, I missed that, too. And I missed D.A.R.E. graduation because there was going

00:41:47.310 --> 00:41:51.090
to be regular graduation, the class trip, field day.

00:41:51.290 --> 00:41:55.790
I didn't have any more personal D. And, um, and I just, I couldn't do it.

00:41:55.810 --> 00:42:02.070
Um, and he won, he won like the essay contest and he got, he read his essay

00:42:02.070 --> 00:42:03.650
in front of everybody. Now my

00:42:03.650 --> 00:42:07.970
parents, my dad was there, so he wasn't like without, you know, someone.

00:42:08.210 --> 00:42:11.610
Um, but I, like, that'll be one of the things where I'm like, oh man.

00:42:11.830 --> 00:42:16.530
But also I, I, I already had Halloween party, Christmas party.

00:42:16.710 --> 00:42:19.530
Um, you know, like it was so many other, when they were younger,

00:42:19.530 --> 00:42:21.290
so many other events that.

00:42:21.910 --> 00:42:27.570
You know it's one thing I never did and a lot of people do this like take off

00:42:27.570 --> 00:42:31.430
like to watch them go inside on the first day of school.

00:42:33.070 --> 00:42:37.330
I don't get that I don't want to do it I was like you're going to say goodbye

00:42:37.330 --> 00:42:40.110
in the house kindergarten first

00:42:40.110 --> 00:42:44.510
grade I did that you dropped them off at school and I also I also did it,

00:42:45.990 --> 00:42:49.150
when we moved and they were starting a new school New school.

00:42:49.410 --> 00:42:51.790
Actually, so kindergarten, first and second grade. But after that,

00:42:51.890 --> 00:42:54.650
it was like, talk and roll, kids. Get out the car.

00:42:55.610 --> 00:42:58.950
No, I never did. You know, and it's funny you're mentioning that,

00:42:58.990 --> 00:43:00.450
too, because there's another one of our coworkers.

00:43:01.330 --> 00:43:04.550
There's another one of our coworkers who, like, are childs in elementary school.

00:43:04.730 --> 00:43:08.050
And in order to be able to go to the field day at the end of the year,

00:43:08.950 --> 00:43:11.350
right, you have to earn, like, points.

00:43:11.510 --> 00:43:14.150
So if you go to a PTO meeting, you get a point. And if you go here,

00:43:14.250 --> 00:43:15.610
you get a point. I love that. I love it.

00:43:16.562 --> 00:43:20.882
I hate it. I love it. I hate it because it's not equitable. Well,

00:43:21.062 --> 00:43:22.842
you're wrong. So that's it for today.

00:43:25.942 --> 00:43:29.442
It's not equitable. It's not equitable. What if you're... Yes,

00:43:29.442 --> 00:43:33.402
it is so. What if you're a parent that can't get off of work to go to those high point events?

00:43:33.842 --> 00:43:36.662
What if you're a parent that works a job where you can't get off those types

00:43:36.662 --> 00:43:39.702
of days? I don't believe it. Let me tell you something. As former...

00:43:39.702 --> 00:43:40.842
Do you where you're coming from?

00:43:41.462 --> 00:43:44.422
As... Nope. As former PTO... Yes.

00:43:45.382 --> 00:43:52.142
President for... Years, years, okay? Years. The battle scars are real, okay? I hear you.

00:43:53.102 --> 00:43:57.242
There's something very triggering about field day.

00:43:57.902 --> 00:44:04.062
Just field day. Okay. Because everybody wants to come. Okay.

00:44:04.482 --> 00:44:07.662
And it's like, where you been?

00:44:08.462 --> 00:44:12.482
Where you been, guys? So, like, they want to come to, like, what they perceive

00:44:12.482 --> 00:44:15.002
as, like, the most fun event, which it is.

00:44:15.002 --> 00:44:17.742
It's you know second christmas or you know what and it

00:44:17.742 --> 00:44:20.882
you can i'm sorry but like if you have like and

00:44:20.882 --> 00:44:23.722
and let me shout out like the grandparents situation as

00:44:23.722 --> 00:44:26.942
i said earlier like my parents went to everything

00:44:26.942 --> 00:44:30.622
for my kids that i could not go to or jason could not go to my mom and dad showed

00:44:30.622 --> 00:44:36.162
up for everything we had we even had a grandma one year who won like volunteer

00:44:36.162 --> 00:44:41.862
of the year oh that's so nice and i thought that was fantastic so in these school

00:44:41.862 --> 00:44:46.582
situations like they will take the mom, the dad, the auntie, the gram.

00:44:46.702 --> 00:44:51.082
My sister used to go when she didn't work and she would do like mystery reader,

00:44:51.402 --> 00:44:52.562
you know, things like that.

00:44:52.722 --> 00:44:57.662
The schools I found are very, very open to having other members of your family

00:44:57.662 --> 00:45:00.462
show up for your kids if the parent can't.

00:45:00.902 --> 00:45:05.822
So I am hard pressed to believe that you can't earn enough points familially

00:45:05.822 --> 00:45:12.582
to get your way to field day if that's the exact, like if that's your dream of dreams because...

00:45:13.970 --> 00:45:16.990
Okay. Well, sorry, listen, you're wrong and we're out of time.

00:45:17.350 --> 00:45:20.250
So I threw it right back at you.

00:45:20.610 --> 00:45:24.850
Um, no, that's, that is a, you know, point counterpoint, my friend.

00:45:25.030 --> 00:45:29.750
And I'm going to say this in absolute all honesty, you absolutely have more

00:45:29.750 --> 00:45:31.330
experience in that realm than I do.

00:45:31.710 --> 00:45:36.610
Um, I, I volunteered for like a soccer organization and I helped out where I

00:45:36.610 --> 00:45:40.670
could, but like when it came to like being in a school and being parent mom

00:45:40.670 --> 00:45:43.930
and all that stuff, I wanted to be, uh, cups.

00:45:43.930 --> 00:45:46.910
And plates dad that's what i wanted to be oh i love that like mom

00:45:46.910 --> 00:45:49.710
or venmo mom like i'll just venmo you

00:45:49.710 --> 00:45:52.890
money like i'm good i'll venmo you money i don't need to be there and let me

00:45:52.890 --> 00:45:57.850
tell you something as the parent who was organizing we love you thank you very

00:45:57.850 --> 00:46:01.450
much we love you we love the venmos we love the help the people who are like

00:46:01.450 --> 00:46:06.150
what do you need i'll send it i that is my role right now i want to be the like

00:46:06.150 --> 00:46:09.650
what do you need i'll send it um because that that does and because Just,

00:46:09.810 --> 00:46:12.070
you know, then there's crickets of people who, like, you can't. You need that, too.

00:46:12.470 --> 00:46:17.090
You do. You know, this might need to be another episode, too,

00:46:17.110 --> 00:46:20.110
because there are other things societally that I don't get either.

00:46:20.250 --> 00:46:25.110
I want you to tell me about which school came up with the points because I am J.E. Jelly.

00:46:25.610 --> 00:46:28.250
Oh, okay. That's a good idea for you. All right. Well, listen,

00:46:28.570 --> 00:46:32.130
friend, as always, I appreciate you. I appreciate you.

00:46:32.390 --> 00:46:35.830
I am going to give you 2,000 points for this episode.

00:46:36.990 --> 00:46:40.310
And I'm not coming to field day anyway. So I'll let someone else have them.

00:46:40.570 --> 00:46:43.330
I will have a field day, but it'll be in my backyard, in my pool,

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and you'll be able to be there. But your husband has to wear sleeves.

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So, all right. We will see everybody next time on the Balancing Act Podcast. Bye.

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Music.

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Look for the Balancing Act Podcast every week on your favorite podcast platform.

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New episodes drop every Tuesday. Thank you for being a part of our on-site.

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Music.